in my past life as a soccer coach once
you win a national championship
everybody wants to come play for you
really not true once you pay them
$25,000 a year in scholarships everybody
wants to come play for you and parents
would always come to me and they'd say
okay I my son or my daughter wants to
come play at your University what is it
that we have to do you know what are you
looking for
and being the Socratic professor that I
am well what does your son or daughter
do what do they do really well that we'd
be interested in and typically their
answers are well they've got great
vision they were they're really good
they can see the entire field or my
daughter is the fastest player there's
nobody that can beat her or my son's got
a great left foot or really really great
in here and can head every ball like
yeah not bad but to be quite honest with
you those are the last things I'm
looking for the most important thing
self confidence without that skill and I
use the word skill intentionally without
that skill we are useless as a soccer
player because when you lose sight or
belief in yourself we're done for I use
the definition of self-confidence to be
the ability or the belief to believe in
yourself to accomplish any task no
matter the odds
no matter the difficulty no matter the
adversity the belief that you can
accomplish it self confidence
I used the word skill because I believe
it can be trained and I'll show you a
couple of ways in which we do hopefully
I won't run out of time I don't use any
slides because my speech always goes
here here or here
so we'll see which way we get to
repetition repetition repetition right
what does Malcolm Gladwell call it the
10,000 hour rule there's no magic button
I recruited a goalie from Columbia South
America one year
simple solution get to the wall kick a
ball against the wall and catch it kick
the ball against the wall and catch it
his goal was 350 a day for eight months
he came back his hands were callused the
moisture on his hands were literally
gone he is now playing in Europe magic
null repetition repetition repetition
the problem is we expect to be
self-confident but we can't be unless
the skill or the task we're doing is not
novel is not new to us we want to be in
a situation where we've created we've
had so much pressure in that and what I
mean because pressure builds diamonds we
want to be in a situation where hey I've
done this a thousand times by the time I
get to a CG where 2500 people can't say
any more right 2500 people where 2500
people are there I won't have a single
ounce of nervousness because of my
ability to practice right over and over
and over again
the problem with repetition is how many
of us bail after the first bit of
failure Palmilla fail after the first
bit of adversity Edison was on that
video and depends who you ask is
anywhere from 1,000 to 10,000 tries to
build that lightbulb 1,000 to 10,000 JK
Rowling's should be on that video you're
me publisher she took her Harry Potter
book to I believe the number was 12 or
13
practice practice practice and do not
accept failure maybe it shouldn't be
repetition maybe the answer should be
persistence because we all repeat
something but very few of us really will
persist so that's one way to build
self-confidence get out there do what
you want to do and accept no do not
accept no the other one is self-talk we
all have a self-talk tape that plays in
our head anybody go shopping and put on
a pair of pants this week if you're a
woman the first thing that always comes
- damn I look fat these pants and if
you're a man it's the opposite oh god I
have no muscle I'm so flabby right we
all have this tape that plays in our
head as a student if they asked me the
question it was like ah she please the
please professor don't kick me I don't
know the answer I look down right if
you're in the book when I let me tell
you something and the VP of Business
Administration I shouldn't repeat this
but when they hired me as an athletic
director i sat in an architect's meeting
and I am as vote as dumb as a post when
it comes to anything to do with numbers
and angles
I was thinner God God please don't ask
me please don't ask me we all have this
negative self-talk that goes in our head
this one there's enough people that are
telling us we can't do it that we're not
good enough why do we want to tell
ourselves that we know for a fact that
thoughts influence actions we saw it
there with the with the video Sheldon
dr. levy showed right we know that our
thoughts influence actions why do we
want to say that negative self-talk to
ourselves we need to get our own self
affirmations Muhammad Ali what was his
self affirmation I am the greatest who
else is going to tell you they need to
be quiet moments in your bedroom quiet
moments when you're brushing your teeth
that we need to reaffirm I am the
captain of my ship and the master of my
fate that is my affirmation I came from
a school of 1000 people I live in a town
of 1,000 people for 15 years there's no
reason that I should be in charge of
national a department building Maple
Leaf Gardens but I am the captain of my
ship and the master of my fate if I
don't say it if I don't believe it
no one else will how do you build
self-confidence get away from the people
who will tear you down there's enough of
that
Muhammad Ali I am the greatest there is
no one better than me it's a difference
between hubris and ego and false pride
it's just reminding yourself in quiet
silent moments I put it down on the list
it's right beside my mirror right about
all the things that make me who I am
because I make enough mistakes and the
newspapers will recognize it and people
around me will recognize it and they'll
tear me down
and pretty soon I'll begin to believe it
there was a time when my confidence was
really low there was a time when I took
this job when I came from Iowa I don't
know if I could do it I had to bring out
my self-confidence later
congratulations on winning a national
championship good job on raising three
good kids
and marrying the right woman I wrote a
letter to myself it was my own brag
sheet my own letter about the things I
was proud of because there are moments
and we'll all experience them in our
career in our life and our job hunting
and our relationships when we are not
feeling good about who and what and
where we are and I had to bring out that
letter and read it time and time again
for a period of about two weeks to
whether me through that storm it was
important stop the self-talk the
negative self-talk
if you'll watch you'll see some athletes
they'll have a little bandage or a
little bomb brand around them Lance
Armstrong is a perfect one
what's his self affirmation LIVESTRONG
isn't a brand it was to remind him of
who he was
LIVESTRONG then it came a brand he would
move that from one arm to the next arm
when doubt and fear came into his mind
let's strong put it on there let's go
we'll all have it replace it two ways to
build self-confidence worried about my
time I'm going to tell you of one way
that you can build self-confidence in
others we are coaches and educators we
are teachers we are people who will
create value in the world and in doing
that we are critical by the nature of
what we do I'm a coach I want you to
score a goal ball 1 over hi Dan get the
ball when hi Thank You coach I know that
feedback tells me that so what do we do
I need you to put your elbow or here I
need you to put your knee over the ball
I need to follow through boom land good
8 notice I never made it as a
professional what can we do we fix
mistakes when I'm fixing that mistake
Johnny this is terrible do you need to
bend your knee you need to do this this
what have I done - Johnny
self-confidence bend your knee figure
this
this next thing you know Johnny's
crushed ignore what Johnny does wrong
and find Bob or Sally or Frida over here
great goal Frida I loved how you kept
your knee low you followed through and
you landed like this great job
Johnny oh great Johnny's not demoralized
his confidence isn't shot and what I've
done is I've built up Freitas imagine
how we could change the way we parented
kids
if we catch them while they're good
great job great job
Thank You Alice for taking your glass to
the counter it's some simple but we
forget about it or as educators or
somebody as a team if we manage to
praise the positive behavior that we
wanted to reinforce we forget it sounds
so simple catch them when they're good
we forget it
it's simple here's what they did there
was a study in Kansas that did this they
did video and we all do video and we
showed the video of them doing the run
of the play this goal happened because
the basket wasn't protected we didn't
rotate here right we needed to do this
and then cover the slot and if that's
the baseline improvement of the Kansas
State team went like this then they said
they ignored all of that and they just
showed them the times they did it right
the times they did it perfect that
presented no goals spoke to the same
points improvement went like that it
changed and revolutionized the way we as
coaches interact with our
student-athletes we can apply that to
the business world we can apply that to
our student group works we can apply
that to our management teams easily
catch them when they're good last and
certainly not least my son is really
good at this self-confident people
interpret feedback
the way they choose to
games they win five nine how's the game
oh great I scored three goals that two
assists I'm like I did not see him touch
the puck if I could give you one thing
to take from this it is no one will
believe in you unless you do listen to
the words of that video here's to the
crazy ones The Misfits the rebels the
troublemakers the round pegs in the
square holes we're supposed to be
different folks and when people look at

us believe in yourself

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