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How to build your Self Confidence

In my past life as a soccer coach, once you win a national championship, everybody wants to come play for you. It's really not true. Once you pay them, $25,000 a year in scholarship, everybody wants to come play for you. And parents would always come to me and they'd say okay my son or my daughter wants to come play at your University. What is it that we have to do you know, what are you looking for and being the Socratic professor that I am: well what does your son or daughter do? What do they do really well that we'd be interested in. And typically their answers are: well they've got great vision. They're really good. They can see the entire field or my daughter is the fastest player. There's nobody that can beat her or my son's got a great left foot or really really great in here and can head every ball.

Like yeah not bad but to be quite honest with you, those are the last things I'm looking for. The most important thing: self confidence. Without that skill and I use the word skill intentionally, without that skill, we are useless as a soccer player. Because when you lose sight or belief in yourself, we're done for.

I use the definition of self-confidence, the ability or the belief to believe in yourself to accomplish any tasks, no matter the odds, no matter the difficulty, no matter the adversity. The belief that you can accomplish it. Self confidence.

I used the word skill, because I believe it can be trained and I'll show you a couple of ways in which we do. Hopefully, I won't run out of time.
I don't use any slides because my speech always goes here, here, or here. So we'll see which way we get to.
Repetition, repetition, repetition. Right? What does Malcolm Gladwell call it? The 10,000 hour rule. There's no magic button.

I recruited a goalie from Columbia South America one year. Simple solution: get to the wall, kick a ball against the wall and catch it, kick the ball against the wall and catch it. His goal was 350 a day for eight months. He came back, his hands were callused, the moisture on his hands were literally gone. He is now playing in Europe.
Magic? No. Repetition, repetition, repetition. The problem is, we expect to be self-confident but we can't be unless
the skill or the task we're doing is not novel, is not new to us. We want to be in a situation where, we've created, we've had so much pressure in that. And what I mean is because pressure builds diamonds. We
want to be in a situation where, hey I've done this a thousand times. 
By the time I get to a CG where 2500 people, can't say any more right, 2500 people, where 2500 people are there I won't have a single ounce of nervousness, because of my ability to practice right, over and over and over again. The problem with repetition is, how many of us bail after the first bit of failure, fail after the first bit of adversity.
Edison was on that video and depends who you ask is anywhere from 1,000 to 10,000 tries to build that light bulb 1,000 to 10,000.  JK Rowling's should be on that video. Do you know how many times she took her Harry Potter
book to a publisher? I believe the number was 12 or 13.

Practice, practice, practice and do not accept failure. Maybe it shouldn't be repetition, maybe the answer should be
persistence, because we all repeat something but, very few of us really will persist. 
So that's one way to build self-confidence, get out there, do what you want to do and accept no, do not accept no.
The other one is self-talk. We all have a self-talk tape that plays in our head. Anybody go shopping and put on
a pair of pants this week. If you're a woman the first thing that always comes - damn it! I look fat with these pants and if you're a man it's the opposite oh god I have no muscle I'm so flabby. Right? We all have this tape that plays in our head. As a student if they asked me the question it was like ah shit, please, please professor don't kick me, I don't know the answer. I look down right. If you're in the book when I. Let me tell you something and the VP of Business Administration said I shouldn't repeat this. But when they hired me as an athletic director, i sat in an architect's meeting. And I am as dumb as a post when it comes to anything to do with numbers and angles.
I was thanks God. God please don't ask me, please don't ask me. 
We all have this negative self-talk that goes in our head. 
this one there's enough people that are
telling us we can't do it that we're not
good enough why do we want to tell
ourselves that we know for a fact that
thoughts influence actions we saw it
there with the with the video Sheldon
dr. levy showed right we know that our
thoughts influence actions why do we
want to say that negative self-talk to
ourselves we need to get our own self
affirmations Muhammad Ali what was his
self affirmation I am the greatest who
else is going to tell you they need to
be quiet moments in your bedroom quiet
moments when you're brushing your teeth
that we need to reaffirm I am the
captain of my ship and the master of my
fate that is my affirmation I came from
a school of 1000 people I live in a town
of 1,000 people for 15 years there's no
reason that I should be in charge of
national a department building Maple
Leaf Gardens but I am the captain of my
ship and the master of my fate if I
don't say it if I don't believe it
no one else will how do you build
self-confidence get away from the people
who will tear you down there's enough of
that
Muhammad Ali I am the greatest there is
no one better than me it's a difference
between hubris and ego and false pride
it's just reminding yourself in quiet
silent moments I put it down on the list
it's right beside my mirror right about
all the things that make me who I am
because I make enough mistakes and the
newspapers will recognize it and people
around me will recognize it and they'll
tear me down
and pretty soon I'll begin to believe it
there was a time when my confidence was
really low there was a time when I took
this job when I came from Iowa I don't
know if I could do it I had to bring out
my self-confidence later
congratulations on winning a national
championship good job on raising three
good kids
and marrying the right woman I wrote a
letter to myself it was my own brag
sheet my own letter about the things I
was proud of because there are moments
and we'll all experience them in our
career in our life and our job hunting
and our relationships when we are not
feeling good about who and what and
where we are and I had to bring out that
letter and read it time and time again
for a period of about two weeks to
whether me through that storm it was
important stop the self-talk the
negative self-talk
if you'll watch you'll see some athletes
they'll have a little bandage or a
little bomb brand around them Lance
Armstrong is a perfect one
what's his self affirmation LIVESTRONG
isn't a brand it was to remind him of
who he was
LIVESTRONG then it came a brand he would
move that from one arm to the next arm
when doubt and fear came into his mind
let's strong put it on there let's go
we'll all have it replace it two ways to
build self-confidence worried about my
time I'm going to tell you of one way
that you can build self-confidence in
others we are coaches and educators we
are teachers we are people who will
create value in the world and in doing
that we are critical by the nature of
what we do I'm a coach I want you to
score a goal ball 1 over hi Dan get the
ball when hi Thank You coach I know that
feedback tells me that so what do we do
I need you to put your elbow or here I
need you to put your knee over the ball
I need to follow through boom land good
8 notice I never made it as a
professional what can we do we fix
mistakes when I'm fixing that mistake
Johnny this is terrible do you need to
bend your knee you need to do this this
what have I done - Johnny
self-confidence bend your knee figure
this
this next thing you know Johnny's
crushed ignore what Johnny does wrong
and find Bob or Sally or Frida over here
great goal Frida I loved how you kept
your knee low you followed through and
you landed like this great job
Johnny oh great Johnny's not demoralized
his confidence isn't shot and what I've
done is I've built up Freitas imagine
how we could change the way we parented
kids
if we catch them while they're good
great job great job
Thank You Alice for taking your glass to
the counter it's some simple but we
forget about it or as educators or
somebody as a team if we manage to
praise the positive behavior that we
wanted to reinforce we forget it sounds
so simple catch them when they're good
we forget it
it's simple here's what they did there
was a study in Kansas that did this they
did video and we all do video and we
showed the video of them doing the run
of the play this goal happened because
the basket wasn't protected we didn't
rotate here right we needed to do this
and then cover the slot and if that's
the baseline improvement of the Kansas
State team went like this then they said
they ignored all of that and they just
showed them the times they did it right
the times they did it perfect that
presented no goals spoke to the same
points improvement went like that it
changed and revolutionized the way we as
coaches interact with our
student-athletes we can apply that to
the business world we can apply that to
our student group works we can apply
that to our management teams easily
catch them when they're good last and
certainly not least my son is really
good at this self-confident people

interpret feedback

the way they choose to

games they win five nine how's the game

oh great I scored three goals that two

assists I'm like I did not see him touch

the puck if I could give you one thing

to take from this it is no one will

believe in you unless you do listen to

the words of that video here's to the

crazy ones The Misfits the rebels the

troublemakers the round pegs in the

square holes we're supposed to be

different folks and when people look at

us believe in yourself

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